adjusting to what life has sent my way, while rediscovering who i am

New House – week 3

Issues so far:

Ants in the kitchen.  Tried ant traps for the Scout ants to take poison back to the Worker ants and Queen.  All it seemed to do was attract more ants.  I knew I had to do something else when I started greeting them in the morning when I woke up and walked into the kitchen.  Finally got the ant spray.  I don’t know why I didn’t do that in the first place.  Within seconds the ants were taken care of.  I have left a few traps, just in case.

Lawn.  So the lawn was put in 2 1/2 weeks ago and has grown quite a bit.  I went out to mow today, but the lawn mower kept stalling out.  The grass is tall and very wet, because it rained today.  I forgot about the rain, because it was sunny at the time of trying to mow.  After stalling out the 4th time, I called my dad to see if it was because the grass was too tall, wet, or both.  I hated to make that phone call.  Since I got divorced, I am trying to do everything on my own.  I don’t want to look like I need help.  But my dad knows lawns, and it was a phone call that needed to be made.  He agreed the lawn was too wet and I should wait for it to dry up a little.  So now most of my grass is tall and there are a couple choppy rows, with chunks of wet cut grass lying around.  Oh well, I’ll be the beauty of the neighborhood for a day or two.

Mail.  My subdivision has clustered mailboxes by a neighborhood park.  I was never given a mailbox or key.  I didn’t worry about it at first because when you forward mail it takes a few days to a week.  But while waiting I contacted my realtor and even emailed the subdivision realtor and didn’t get any help.  I finally found the right realtor to talk to and am getting the keys to the mailbox tomorrow.  I’ll probably have a pile of bills waiting for me.

Neighbors.  My next door neighbors are interesting.  They refer to the fence we share as “their fence”.  They did put it up two years ago.  My lot was bare this whole time until I bought the lot.  When they heard my lot had been purchased, they found out what size home was being built on it.  They felt the house was too big for the lot and tried to put a stop to it…..unsuccessfully.  One day my parents were walking through the house while it was being built.  The neighbors were outside.  They got to talking and the neighbors toured the construction with my parents.  They made more than one critical comment about various things I had in my plan, such as a window in my bathroom, a doorway without a door, the man door I was putting in the garage.  Needless to say, they always have a smile on their face, but I know they are thinking something else inside their crazy little heads.


I don’t let these neighbors bother me, or my crazy ant visitors, or my tall, wet grass…but I am glad I will start getting mail.  This house is my dream home.  Just what I always pictured in my head, not that I spent a lot of time picturing myself divorced and living on my own.  I won’t sweat the small stuff.   I continue to hold my head up high, even if my insides have no idea what to do.  And I have to remember it’s okay to make a phone call every now and then for help.

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It’s Official

I’ve been watching the mailbox these last few days, because I knew the paperwork would be coming any day.  Well, today was the day.  August 11, 2012.  Interesting.  I met Bruce on August 12, 1988.  Just one day shy of 24 years from the day we met, we are now officially divorced.

Another interesting fact, at least to me.  The judge signed the paperwork on August 8, 2012.  Back in 1988, I thought it would be neat to get married on 8/8/88.  (I did meet Bruce 5 days later and we were married 4 months after that.)  When I was out and about on 8/8/88, I never would have imagined that a judge would be signing my divorce paperwork on 8/8/12 – 24 years later.

When checking the mailbox these last few days, I wondered how I would feel.  Today I found out.  When I saw the two thick envelopes in the mailbox, I knew exactly what it was.  We had to provide envelopes and stamps when we filed the paperwork.  Of course we didn’t know that, so we took a walk to the corner store and purchased some.  We chuckled when putting the stamps on the envelopes.  Stamps that said things like “Liberty”, “Freedom”, “Justice”, “Equality” — perfect words for envelopes to hold divorce paperwork.

I saw those envelopes and my breathing stopped.  It’s not that I’m not for the divorce.  It’s just that when I saw those envelopes, knowing they held the official “signed by the judge” documents, what I saw was the end of what I have lived for for the past 23 1/2 years.  That time frame of 23 1/2 years will never get any bigger.  It’s done.  It’s over.  We’re over.  Bruce is now not my “soon to be” ex husband.  He is my ex-husband.  I am officially single.

Nothing has really changed.  I’m still sitting on the couch typing on the computer and working on stuff to get ready for my job as a teacher.   I don’t look different.  The world hasn’t changed around me.  The sun is still shining brightly outside, the sky is still blue, and the leaves are blowing in the breeze.  But I feel different.  I feel like I’ve lost a part of me.  My counselor would say that I have been losing that part of me for several months, even years.  That part has been slowly leaving me bit by bit as Bruce and I started having marital issues.  But that part of me will know longer leave slowly, until it’s gone.  That which remains has simply been cut off.

I have been officially single for one hour.  That time frame will continue to get larger.  This time tomorrow, I will have been single for one day.  This time next Saturday – one week.  Next August 11, 2013 – one year.  Although I have lost a part of me, I am filling up that empty part with new thoughts, hopes, and dreams.

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